(For a friend of a friend, whom I have never met, but whose pain I can feel)

Let him not suffer.

This is my prayer offered on silent lips,
to Death herself.

Let not the weight of their tears
keep him tied to his mortal frame,
failing under the lashes of pain
and machines that beep out his life
in seconds.

Let him not lie there longer
than he needs to,
let him not waste away,
Death trapped in life,
let their tears not block the path we all walk
when our time is called.

Let him not suffer.

Mama Wolf,
Howling in my dreams,
pulling the blood from my limbs
and demanding I speak in fire and ashes.

My heartbeat
holds the coals
of your death,
blanketed down for the winter,
when the storms will rage yet again,
and the need for fire will outweigh
the fear of the rebirth.

Three times we die
and three times we are reborn.
and this
and this again
remakes us in your image.
The smoke and the flame and the ashes,
the dreams and the passions and the tears.

Speak to me in my mother tongue
and I will howl into the night.

Coming to terms with identity is difficult, even as a full-grown adult. Choosing to align yourself with a group that is fairly universally reviled is…. difficult. Its a long story but mysticism has lead to me semi-syncrenicity has led me to study the Jotun pantheon in more detail. And what I have found is amazing. When viewed as a complete entity, the story the Giants tell is awe-inspiring.

This does not mean that I am comfortable saying I am a Rokkratru or that I am “Satanic Norse” as I’ve been accused of before. But I have decided to work only with the Jotuns, forsaking the Aesir and Vanir. I make this choice based on a few different things.

The Gods who call me (and that I choose to work with) are all Jotuns. I’ve turned down quite a few others, including Celtic Gods and one Yoruba orisha (and an Egyptian Goddess with claws), I return again and again to the Giants. They feel like family to me, no matter how far abroad I travel.

Even the controversial UPG lines up. Their blood is my blood, their magic feels right and real to me, as natural as breathing. The things I can do without thinking, the things that make others blink and look at me oddly, are all attested to in shared gnosis and in spirit lore.

And I am very very tired of fighting my own inclinations.

So here I stand, a shaman with the fire and ice of generations of giants running in her veins.

Anyone else embracing their otherness?


Oh, what a busy little shaman I have been.

I am working very hard to start a shamanic services business. I’ll link it here if I ever get it off the ground. (Edit: You can find anc contact me here for shamanic services: https://www.facebook.com/IronwoodShamanicServices )
My heathen group, Nebraska Heathens United, is going strong, with open sumbles and a public class. We can be found on facebook if anyone is interested.
I am very close to initiation with the Wiccan coven I study with.
And at the behest of Hel, I have joined ADF and am about to start the dedicant path. I will eventually have (and link) a new blog as a dedicant’s journal. (http://fireandisa.wordpress.com)
All of that coupled with a 40 hr a week job and starting a nonprofit organization with my best friend, to benefit pregnant women experiencing domestic violence, means I’ve kinda let this blog die. (hehehe, die)

And as always, I’m on facebook and available via email if anyone needs me.

So yeah… not dead, just busy.

Moving towards mysticism

All religions are correct if we move towards the Divine from love.

Love is the Great Divine and the Great Divine is love. I can bow just as easily to the Heart of Divinity in a meadow and a grove as I can in a church or a mosque or a temple.

And so all realities are sacred because they are your reality. And the place of sacred holiness is being beside you with an open heart and a flow of love and empathy, giving creedence to your reality that you exist inside of. That foundation and flow of love is what creates reality. Alone is a reality because you experience it as such and in the experience it becomes Holy, a part of the Divine song.

I am not alone. I have you. We have the heart of the Divine. We create a closed circuit loop of feedback and it is love.

A song from the Fae

The hunter ran away
He ran away so fast,
He ran o’er hill and dale
He ran to catch the fox.

the hunter ran away
he ran through fog and mist
he ran through night and day
he ran to catch the kit.

O’er and o’er he runs and run
tries to catch the moon
tries to catch the sun.
o’er and o’er he chases the tracks
mud at his feet
and wind at his back.

the hunter ran away
he ran to catch the flame
he ran though shadows wove
their way up hills and down again.

the hunter ran away
he tried to catch the dawn,
he turned wrong way ’round
and ended up at his door ‘fore long.

O’er and o’er he runs and run
tries to catch the moon
tries to catch the sun.
o’er and o’er he chases the tracks
mud at his feet
and wind at his back.

tho men try night and day
to catch the silent fox
they ne’er can do and soon they find
’tis dreams upon their backs.

O’er and o’er he runs and run
tries to catch the moon
tries to catch the sun.
o’er and o’er he chases the tracks
mud at his feet
and wind at his back.

This new moon in Scorpio has been rough for me. It has been a month of removals, of drastic changes, just when I thought I had a few things figured out. Is anyone else going through these rough shakeups?

It started with Hel requesting that I move away from Heathenry and explore other forms of paganism tied to my heritage. Yes, I can do that. I’m not so tied to the title of Heathen that it breaks my heart to move away from it. I’ve been pagan for 12 years now, tied to Hel for 5 and a self-identified Heathen for under a year, so yes, there is no ego-death involved.

And then She asked me to give up my oaths to Odin. I’ve been oathed to him for a little over a year now. This request came closer to breaking my heart, but She knows me well enough to know that you cannot force a Scorpio to do anything against their will, reasoning always works better. “Pick a path” She told me. “You can have your community and grow as a leader but not as a mystic/seer/shaman. Or you can give up the public path and grow in a private path.” And I saw her logic and I gave up my oaths to Odin. She bled me and tied me to Her and the Norns and allowed me to grieve.

On Halloween night, She gave the gift of a new totem. It is one I have been seeing shadows of for six months, blackbird, a portent of psychic abilities and new foundations. My backyard was flooded with a hundred birds. I would have to be pretty dense to miss the message.

And on the night of the new moon, in a guided meditation to the Crossroads (if you know me you know that guided meditations always go wrong for me, I can never remain shallow) I made an oath of a year and a day in the service of Hecate. I did this with my shadow totems around me and my ancestors beside me. I did this to open new pathways and learn new skills.

I just don’t know where this leaves me. I like the title Volva, it covers all of my herbal obsession and wildcrafting and shamanism and magical and teaching and counseling that I do. I love seeing the result of my work play out in other’s lives. I know that I turn once more away from the communal hearth and walk back into the shadows.

It’s ok. I’m scared but She guides my steps.