One of the hardest aspects of shamanism (for me) is the lack of places to hide. I sometimes view it like a dental cleaning, you have invited someone (or something) else into your space to clean out every nook and cranny of the gunk that has been building up. I have been doing this for long enough now to recognize the thought process’ that will lead to Her eventual nudging. Those are the spaces that hold the potential for growth, the ones that make me uncomfortable and ansty in my seat. Sometimes She doesnt even have to tell me, I feel Her presence at the back of my mind like a shadow and I know that I missed something I wasn’t suppose to miss.

An example of this is Her constant insistance that I see both sides of an arguement. Even the things that I am most passionate about, sexism, feminism, religious freedoms, homophobia, etc., are no longer allowed to provide me a safe place to make a stance. The growing pains of my soul keep me awake at night, test my fortitude, my every belief system.

This is usually expressed as an exercise in hearing what the other person is really saying underneath their words. The surface ideas might be the most vile mix of ideologies that I have ever heard, but the message underneath is so purely human that it makes my heart ache right along side theirs. This is the level at which we are all connected, the language of pain and anger. The man who is spouting sexist rhetoric that tests my patience and makes me want to smack him is actually talking about how stressed he is that he cannot find a job and help support his new child. The woman who defends his position and points to gang violence as proof of sexism against men, her message underneath is about wanting to feel useful in a society that judges individual value on how much you earned last year.

Its downright exhausting.

Conversations with a God of Knowledge

(I am so tired, and disconnected and half in this world and half in the Other. And then this starts.)

We are more real in our dreams (aspirative) self than at any other time. Because time is fluid, and each moment is the now, the next breathe of our selves hangs in the air like the next note of an aria. It is yet to be but it is there, you can anticipate it and it drives the music. Our dreams define our purest sense of self, highest golden moments. When I ask you “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I am paying Homage to the best in you, the God/dess state of what will be.

Because we are always in an act of forming, like our next breath it hinges on our souls, we have an infinite capacity for forgiveness. The you who hurt me is exhaled in the past, the Highest Self is being born with the intake of breath, each moment is an infinite possibility hanging in the balance.

The seeking of knowledge and power is the seeking of the Higher Self. When one looks for the Higher Self externally, it becomes corrupted by our subjective vision of reality. When one looks for the Higher Self internally, the search proves as the spiral, always growing, always dying, always waxing, always waning. Each possibility exists together in the moment.

“Its the moment before the Runes fall to Earth. Each moment, each breath, each potential, is the moment before the Runes fall to Earth.”

We are human. Its too hard to hold on to that potential of the infinite with each breathe. Its easier to move about as if this is all there is.

“Ah but you are human and mortal. You have the potential whether you remember it or not, whether you reach for it or not. That is your gift. The Runes are always about to fall. “

I’m too tired for this.

“Then just listen. And type. Humanity’s greatest gift and greatest curse is their imagination. If every breathe is the act of  becoming, then who and what you become is only limited by what you can imagine yourself becoming. Reality is subjective, defined and limited by the boundaries of the human mind. The biggest threat to humanity right now is that children’s imaginations are no longer lauded, stretched, polished. They are instead corraled and limited and turn out dull, insipid adults.”

(I lost contact there when people started waking up and interacting with me. You get the point though. I wish I could show you the pictures He painted in my head.)

Reblog: When someone else’s truth rings in your ears

Reblogged from Adventures on the Dusken Path.

She has an amazing way with words, and this post is spot on. I don’t experience the Astral the way she does (obviously) but I understand the split personality issue of living two lives.

The Astral is dangerous. I know, I know. I’ve said it before. You know it, I know it–but it’s not dangerous in the way you think. In the external way. In the way of other shit being able to get to you there. (Well, okay, it IS.) But the most dangerous part of the astral–the part that should really scare you–is the Astral, the Hedge, the Spirit-World–the entity itself.

The Astral is like a slow diease, or a slow, internal decay. When it first snaps you up it’s all wonder and crazy magick shit and insane worlds and it’s cool. You don’t notice that the moment you step foot there, you begin a process of Losing.

The moment you go there, you Lose. You lose the comfort of not believing it’s there. You lose the ability to pretend you have just one life. You Lose a lot of comfort. And the minutes you there are minutes you’re not living here. You begin to lose time.

It starts slowly, of course. You barely notice, in the beginning, due to the newness, the excitement. You can’t help it. The Spider gestures at you, and you follow, because the mystery and secrets contained within are what you’ve been searching for forever. It occurs to you, maybe, the first time you realize you’ve been sitting in one place for 5 hours on this plane, astral tripping that entire time, and you have no idea what happened in between. It occurs to you the second time when you first realize you worked on entire day, talked to people, your family, or friends, and the entire time you were off mentally journeying and you have no memory of your entire day. It’s not on purpose. It really isn’t. It happens because something calls your attention there NOW, so you flip that mental switchboard, and you live that life instead for a while. But while you’re there–you’re not HERE.

When the Gods have their way with you

It was creeping up on midnight and we had finally gotten the drumming down and into a journey when I sat straight up off the couch, cussing at the top of my lungs. The feeling of being ripped open starting at the crown chakra and moving down my body was so weird and disturbing that it had yanked me right back into my slightly mangled, totally disoriented body. She had just wanted to talk, just wanted me to go speak to someone else on her behalf, just wanted my total undivided attention right there, right now.



Its funny now. I recognize the behavior in my own cats at home, I shouldn’t be surprised to see the behavior in a cat goddess. It was the power behind the action that left me shaken, disconnected and acting like I was drunk for the better part of 2 hours afterwards.

So what do we do when random spirits and Gods just really want to talk to us right then, right there? And how do we put ourselves back together after an encounter like that?

I have a pretty open door policy. I will speak to whomever needs to talk. I have interacted with Celtic Gods, ghosts and spirits, Luas, all on behalf of the person they are trying to connect to. Sometimes it is because the person is just not listening. Sometimes its because the person doesn’t have the ability to hear them (yet). Sometimes its because they have not been introduced and I can provide formal channels of introduction for them.

I suspect, long ago when there were many many more temples and many many more worshipers, Bast would have just contacted one of her local priests and communicated that way. I don’t know any Bast temples out here in the middle of the US, nor do I know anyone who has a modern worship set up and centered around her. I also don’t know any other shamans in the area who a) are in contact with the person she wants to talk to and b) have a pretty open door policy.

(And no, she didn’t mean to beat me up like that.)

So how do you put yourself back together? I was lucky, my friend is pretty darn good about slipping me back into alignment, astrally. That helped a lot with the headache, nausea and dizziness. We also got to think about the idea of invoking the aide of a Deity with traits that will cleanse the aura of the previous God/dess. In this case, we met a Lua who specializes in snakes. But what really did it for me was a shower. I don’t know if its a specific “cats hate water” thing or was a cleansing/grounding method that worked, but it really helped.
At least she showed me where I still have work to do.

Pagan Blog Project: Wind

The wind blows fierce. Its so cold here, so crisp, the breathe hangs on the air like it is waiting for the next gust to take it to warmer climes.

Do you ever whisper prayers on the wind?

I miss the ocean like mad, miss the smell of salt and even the way the sea lions used to keep me awake all night. But we are all connected and somewhere in the sweeping fall gusts lie the molecules of the ocean, come thousands of miles because they missed me too.

One of the four elements, one that holds the breath of our ancestors, that connects us to the life forces around us, that wails and screams and hums and sings all of its own accord, wind has always annoyed me and pushed me. In the fall, I watch the way it makes the leaves on the ground dance and listen to the music that the last few crisp leaves hanging in the trees play just for me. In the spring it will bring with it the scent of fresh grass, damp earth and rain. In the winter it piles the snow drifts high against the house, blankets us with silence.

Wind magic, for me, is not about what the wind brings with it but what I can gift it with to take to the next town. And so I whisper prayers on the wind and add my voice to that of my ancestors and listen to the wind sing.

Thirteen Questions

I stole these from another website. Feel free to steal them from me.


1. What is the greatest dream in your life?   The greatest dream in my life is for to exist in a state of happiness and connection with Spirit and Universe which transcends the ups and downs of the reality around me. I am working on this every day.

2. What does true happiness in life mean?   True happiness comes from the realization that externality (is that even a word?) cannot and should not affect your internal landscape.

3. What is the most valuable thing that one cannot buy and why?   One cannot buy mental well being. That comes from the knowledge that we are free to be ourselves, regardless of the trappings around us.

4. What are your 3 most important tips for enduring health?   Breathe deep, help others to the best of your ability, exist in the moment.

5. What do you believe is the meaning of life?   To be. We are the sum of our experiences.

6. If you knew that the world was going to end tomorrow, what would you do today?   Have lots of sex. No really. I adore him and I would spend my last moments with him.

7. What are in your opinion the 3 biggest mistakes that one can make in life?   Assume we are what we own, try to live up to others expectations of ourselves, try to hang on to what we have in this moment.

8. Where do you find comfort during difficult times?   In my relationship to Spirit, and in knowing that nothing is permanent and this too shall pass.

9. If you had three wishes to fundamentally change things on earth, what would you wish?   I would give us all green energy, I would make it so no one starved and I would reconnect our tribes.

10. What can an individual person do to promote a peaceful society?    Love everyone, regardless of who they are, where they come from, what they look like, or who they voted for.

11. Assuming you meet somebody who knew the absolute truth to every question, what 3 questions would you ask?   Are you happy?

12. Which book (or books) have impressed you personally and why?   Oh my. Ummmmm… too many to count. I love books so much.

13. What would be your most important piece of advice for people who are searching for a fulfilling life?   Stop and look at what you already have and try to ask yourself this: “Would having/owning/being that make me any happier than I am right now?”