One of the hardest aspects of shamanism (for me) is the lack of places to hide. I sometimes view it like a dental cleaning, you have invited someone (or something) else into your space to clean out every nook and cranny of the gunk that has been building up. I have been doing this for long enough now to recognize the thought process’ that will lead to Her eventual nudging. Those are the spaces that hold the potential for growth, the ones that make me uncomfortable and ansty in my seat. Sometimes She doesnt even have to tell me, I feel Her presence at the back of my mind like a shadow and I know that I missed something I wasn’t suppose to miss.

An example of this is Her constant insistance that I see both sides of an arguement. Even the things that I am most passionate about, sexism, feminism, religious freedoms, homophobia, etc., are no longer allowed to provide me a safe place to make a stance. The growing pains of my soul keep me awake at night, test my fortitude, my every belief system.

This is usually expressed as an exercise in hearing what the other person is really saying underneath their words. The surface ideas might be the most vile mix of ideologies that I have ever heard, but the message underneath is so purely human that it makes my heart ache right along side theirs. This is the level at which we are all connected, the language of pain and anger. The man who is spouting sexist rhetoric that tests my patience and makes me want to smack him is actually talking about how stressed he is that he cannot find a job and help support his new child. The woman who defends his position and points to gang violence as proof of sexism against men, her message underneath is about wanting to feel useful in a society that judges individual value on how much you earned last year.

Its downright exhausting.



  1. Steve Tanner says:

    It sounds like you are learning to see beyond illusions.

    1. Raan says:

      Yes, trying to learn that. There was more but my phone was ringing. I never realized how painful the process can be and how little of ourselves we normally invest in the people we interact with.

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