This new moon in Scorpio has been rough for me. It has been a month of removals, of drastic changes, just when I thought I had a few things figured out. Is anyone else going through these rough shakeups?
It started with Hel requesting that I move away from Heathenry and explore other forms of paganism tied to my heritage. Yes, I can do that. I’m not so tied to the title of Heathen that it breaks my heart to move away from it. I’ve been pagan for 12 years now, tied to Hel for 5 and a self-identified Heathen for under a year, so yes, there is no ego-death involved.
And then She asked me to give up my oaths to Odin. I’ve been oathed to him for a little over a year now. This request came closer to breaking my heart, but She knows me well enough to know that you cannot force a Scorpio to do anything against their will, reasoning always works better. “Pick a path” She told me. “You can have your community and grow as a leader but not as a mystic/seer/shaman. Or you can give up the public path and grow in a private path.” And I saw her logic and I gave up my oaths to Odin. She bled me and tied me to Her and the Norns and allowed me to grieve.
On Halloween night, She gave the gift of a new totem. It is one I have been seeing shadows of for six months, blackbird, a portent of psychic abilities and new foundations. My backyard was flooded with a hundred birds. I would have to be pretty dense to miss the message.
And on the night of the new moon, in a guided meditation to the Crossroads (if you know me you know that guided meditations always go wrong for me, I can never remain shallow) I made an oath of a year and a day in the service of Hecate. I did this with my shadow totems around me and my ancestors beside me. I did this to open new pathways and learn new skills.
I just don’t know where this leaves me. I like the title Volva, it covers all of my herbal obsession and wildcrafting and shamanism and magical and teaching and counseling that I do. I love seeing the result of my work play out in other’s lives. I know that I turn once more away from the communal hearth and walk back into the shadows.
It’s ok. I’m scared but She guides my steps.